... Frodo gave a cry, and there he was, fallen upon his knees at the chasm's edge. But Gollum, dancing like a mad thing, held aloft the ring, a finger still thrust within its circle. It shone now as if verily it was wrought of living flame. "Precious, precious, precious!" Gollum cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!" And with that, even as his eyes were lifted up to gloat on his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink, and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last wail _Precious_, and he was gone. At that moment, there was a solar flare, or something. Several hundred metres down in the chasm, Gollum struck an outcropping, bounced, bounced again, and finally smacked down on a heap of smoking ash, right next to a pool of boiling lava. He suffocated in short order. The ring was left buried. The Dark Lord Sauron was not destroyed. But with the One Ring returned to the place of its making, pretty nearly, the greater part of his power was lost, and he was much reduced. His forces wavered and were defeated by the hosts of Gondor. Sauron fled from Barad-dur and roamed the world thenceforth, wreaking petty mischief wherever he went. In time, he became rather eccentric. In Gondor, nobody knew that the Ring had not been destroyed. Aragorn was crowned King. The hobbits went home. Centuries passed ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Quest Resumes" by Angus MacSpon Based on characters and situations created by J R R Tolkien and Rumiko Takahashi. Please don't sue me, or I'll cry. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was a peaceful day at the Tendou Dojo. Kasumi was in the kitchen, humming happily. Happousai was ironing his collection of panties, also humming happily. Nabiki was listening to the radio, trying to ignore all the damn happy humming. A special news report came on. "And new discoveries were announced today by the team excavating under Mount Fuji. The team, sponsored by the government's Department for Excavating Under Holy Mountains, stated that they had found a slightly singed gold ring, embedded in a pile of petrified ash. When asked to explain how the ring could have gotten there, the team leader said, 'Who knows? But I've got first dibs on any finder's fee.'" Happousai looked up quickly. "Gold ring?" he said, astonished. "They _found_ it?" An look of unholy glee appeared on his face. "At last! I'm coming, my pretty!" He sprang up and raced out of the room. Seconds later he raced back in, turned off the iron, and snatched up his pile of panties. "Can't just leave you lying around, can I, my dears?" he muttered. He stared at the underwear in his arms, and then across at the radio. "Ring or panties? Ring or panties?" he dithered. "How can I choose between them? Ah! I know! I must have them _both_!" He raced into his room, carrying the panties with him. "Gonna need some help for this one," he said to himself, rummaging through a pile of junk. "Now, let's see. Where did I leave them? Ah! Here we are. 'Nine for mortal men doomed to die ...' One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight ... hey, where's the ninth damn ring? Oh, well, too bad. Now, which suckers should I pass them off to this time?" The answer didn't take much thought at all, really. --------------- "Truly, it is elegant, and well-suited to one of such stature as myself," mused Kunou, admiring the ring. "But I fail to see why you would offer it to me, ancient one." "Indeed, most charming," murmured Kodachi, "though I suspect that a rose design would have been more appropriate. But for once in his life, my brother has a good point. What's the catch, old pervert?" "There's so little trust in the world today," mourned Happousai. A look of cunning came into his eyes. "Tatewaki, m'boy, I've long been holding that ring in trust for the, er, the most noble youth in Tokyo. You obviously qualify." Kunou preened visibly and put his ring on without hesitation. Instantly he stiffened, his eyes rolling strangely. Well, more strangely. "And you, Kodachi my dear, just think -- this ring has certain magic powers that will give you a clear advantage over all the other suitors for Ranma's hand!" Kodachi raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Why didn't you say so?" she snapped. Then she hesitated again. "But still, why are you offering it to --" "Oh, for heaven's sake." Happousai goosed her, snatched the ring while she was squawking, and jammed it on her finger. She, too stiffened. After a few moments, both siblings came out of their trances. "Come, sister," ordered Kunou. "For some reason, I feel an inexplicable urge to don black robes." "Hai." Wearing slightly glazed expressions, the two tottered away. --------------- Meanwhile, in China -- "Where am I _now_?" demanded Ryouga. "Oh, sir, you come to ancient legendary training ground of cursed springs," burbled the Guide. "Each spring have own oh-so-tragic legend -- oh! Wait! Sir has been here before! We get so little return business --" "Jyusenkyo? I've gotten back here? Great!" gloated Ryouga. "Now, I'll be cured at last! Then just watch out, Ranma! I can't wait to see the look on his eyes next time he tries to call me 'Pig-boy' ..." "Oh, you want to find Nannichuan sir? Right this way," said the Guide. As he led the Lost Boy out among the springs, the Guide wondered what to turn him into this time. What nobody who came here realised was that the springs weren't cursed at all. The Guide was simply the latest in a long line of sorcerers. Sorcerers with senses of humour. (The family legend was that they were descended from a pair of blue wizards who'd come this way a long time before, but really, who believed that stuff?) Picking a pool at random, he said, "Here is Nannichuan, sir, spring of drowned man. You jump in, be man again." Ryouga dropped his pack and took a mighty leap. The Guide waited until he was in mid-air before shouting, "No! No, sir, I make mistake! This not Nannichuan! You not jump, sir!" He just had time to enjoy Ryouga's horrified expression before the boy hit the water. Carefully wiping the grin off his face, the Guide thought about what to make the boy. Hmm, how about something from the book he'd been reading? That could be fun. He concentrated for a moment. Ryouga broke the surface, then looked down at himself in horror. "Oh, sir," the Guide told him sadly. "So sad. You fall in spring of drowned hobbit. Very tragic legend of hobbit who drown here two thousand six hundred year ago." "H-h-h-h-hob-hob-hobbit?" stuttered Ryouga. "Ancient legend say, hobbit must find special ring and throw into volcano. Is only way to break curse. Very strange legend, I thinking." The Guide wondered how much more of this he'd be able to get through before cracking up. An entirely new horror spread itself across Ryouga's face. "You mean I've ... I've got to _find_ somthing?" he said ... Probably not to be continued ...