Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi. Comments and criticism welcome.

Genma vs Chuck Norris

By Angus MacSpon

“Uh, Pops?” said Ranma. “Why are you doing this again?”

Genma cleared his throat. “Sometimes,” he said portentiously (or was that pretentiously?), “a martial artists’s got to do what a martial artist’s got to do.”

“But Pops, that’s Chuck Norris! They say he can spit bullets through forty inches of steel! They say he sharpens his teeth on alligator hide! They say he—” Ranma paused. “Wait a minute. Alligator hide?”

His father glared at him. “So, what, are you saying I can’t handle him?”

“Well, duh. I mean, I could, obviously. But you’re just a lazy, flabby, middle-aged old bald guy with the brains of a lemming and the ethics of a wolverine.”

“Huh.” Genma gave him a black look and then stripped off his gi, revealing a burly torso with quite a lot of hard muscle. And, admittedly, the beginnings of a paunch. “Son, when all this is over…you and I will have words. Understand?”

With a final withering look at Ranma, he strode out of the Tendo dojo, to where the other man waited for him in the street. He stopped a few paces short and the two stared at each other…each waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Ranma?” whispered Akane. “You don’t really think your father is all that, do you? I mean…really?”

Ranma slipped a thin booklet entitled ‘A Beginner’s Guide to Martial Arts Signifying’ back into his pocket. “Nah. Just wanted to give the old man a little encouragement, that’s all. Man, I thought he wasn’t ever gonna get out there! C’mon, now, this should be good.”

“Um…okay.” Akane followed him out, a little intrigued by the forthcoming battle herself. “Hey, Ranma—”


“Spit bullets through forty inches of steel? Really?”

“Sure. It’s well-documented on the Internet. Nabiki showed me.”

“Wow.” Akane settled down expectantly. Ranma was right; this really should be an interesting match. And even as she watched, there came a sudden shout from the street—and the two men rushed at each other.