------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Journey : An Anime Romp by Angus MacSpon Chapter One Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi and Jules Verne. Comments and criticism welcome! Email: macspon@tamaneko.org Web: http://macspon.tamaneko.org/fanfic/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Ahh, who cares about a bunch of mouldy old books?" said Ranma, wrinkling his nose. "Ranma! Those books belonged to my grandfather!" said Akane, her eyes flashing and her fist clenching. At least it wasn't the other way around. "Try to show a little respect, Saotome," suggested Nabiki coolly. "Oh, my," said Kasumi, rather pointlessly. "But -- but -- ah, the heck with it," Ranma muttered. He couldn't see what all the fuss was about. The books weren't even in Japanese. Tendo-ojiisan had been something of a traveller, apparently. Ignoring the byplay, Soun and Genma continued to rummage through the dusty old box that Kasumi had found in the attic while spring-cleaning. (Actually it had come of something of a surprise to Ranma to learn that the house _had_ an attic; he could have sworn it didn't. He supposed it was just one of those things.) "Amazing!" exclaimed Soun, inspecting a massive tome. "He must have travelled to every country in the world." "I think you're right, Tendo," said Genma, blowing the dust off another volume and trying to read the title. "Hmm ... 'First Folio' ... I wonder what that means?" "And this, Saotome!" Tendo opened another book and read aloud. "'The Divine Comedy, part four: Madame Sin's House of Pleasure, by Dante Alighieri' ... oh, it's all in Italian. Pity." "This one's all in hieroglyphics," announced Genma. "Oh, and there's a library card stuck inside. 'Library of Alexandria' ... whatever that means." He tossed the card aside. "'The R'lyeh Text,'" read Soun. "Hmm, that's an unusual illustration." Ranma sighed, and picked up one of the books idly. "Geez, will you look at all these hen-tracks?" he said, flipping through the pages. "Whoever wrote this must have been out of his mind." "Ranma!" shouted Akane, snatching the book from him. "What did I tell you!" "Ah, calm down, ya kawaiikune tomboy --" He was cut off as the book came down, hard, on his head. It was a massive old tome, leather-bound, and it packed quite a wallop. "Oh, look," he burbled. "The stars are out early tonight ..." He stopped suddenly, looking at the book once more. "Geez, Akane, you've broken it." "What?" Akane stared down at it. "Oh no!" The spine, already brittle with age, had snapped down its entire length. "That is just so typical of you --" "Oh, my, what's this?" said Kasumi, examining the book. She pulled something out of the broken spine. "An old manuscript," said Genma excitedly, snatching it from her. "Hidden for all these years! It might be valuable, Tendo." Nabiki looked up quickly. "Allow me," she purred, snatching the document from his hands. She scanned through it quickly. "These are old Icelandic runes," she announced. "Wait a moment, and I'll translate them." "You will?" said Akane, surprised. "I didn't know you could read Icelandic, Nabiki." "Oh ... er ... there was an elective class at school, it looked more interesting than Home Ec," said Nabiki, rather unconvincingly. She fetched a pen and paper and began to write quickly. "It's in some kind of code," she said after a few moments. "Wait a moment ... yes, yes, a fairly simple cipher. Oh, and you have to read backwards. How cute. Well, that was easy enough. Here." She held up the paper. Soun made to take it and she cleared her throat significantly. Grumbling, he paid her and took the sheet. "Fascinating," said Genma, reading over his shoulder. "Waah! My daughter is so clever! And extortionate!" wailed Soun. "Oh, for heaven's sake," said Akane, snatching the paper from him. She read aloud: In Sneffels Yoculis craterem kem delibat umbra Scartaris Julii intra calendas descende, audas viator, et Tartari abyssum attinges. Kod feci. Arne Saknussemm. "Well, what's that supposed to mean?" demanded Ranma. "It's ... Latin, isn't it?" said Akane hesitantly. "Oh, please," sighed Nabiki. She took the paper back and read: Descend into the crater of Sneffels Yokul, over which the shadow of Scartaris falls before the kalends of July, bold traveller, and you will reach the centre of the earth. I have done this. Arne Saknussemm. "It's just like in that old SF book, for heaven's sake," she finished. "This has got to be some kind of joke," said Ranma. "You'd better hope so," said Nabiki, smiling. "Huh? Why?" Nabiki pointed over his shoulder. He turned, to see Soun and Genma poring over the paper. They had an atlas open on a map of Iceland. "Oh, no," he began. "The centre of the earth!" declaimed Soun. "The wonder of it! The glory! The adventure!" "Think of the training opportunities!" added Genma. "I'll bring the boy along, of course ..." "Are you both crazy?" burst out Akane. "Training opportunities? What're you talking about, oyaji?" demanded Ranma. "What kind of training opportunities can there possibly be at the centre of the earth? Martial Arts Drowning In Boiling Lava? Martial Arts Being Crushed By Billions Of Tons Of Pressure?" "There, you see, Tendo?" said Genma excitedly. "He's getting into the spirit of it already!" "What --?" "But you can't just walk to the centre of the earth!" protested Akane. "It's impossible!" "Nonsense," said Soun. "It says you can, right here." He waved the paper for proof. "Maybe you'll end up in Pellucidar," suggested Kasumi helpfully, a placid smile on her face. "Huh?" They all stared at her. "Never mind, it's just the Valium talking," said Soun. "Come on, Saotome, we have to pack for the journey." "Come on, boy!" Genma grabbed Ranma by the arm and yanked him up the stairs. "Think of it as an educational experience." "Oh, yeah," groaned Ranma. "You're going to educate me to death, if it kills you!" ---===***===--- They left the house the next morning, laden with gear. (Genma was also laden with Ranma, bound and gagged.) They were still excitedly discussing the possibilities. Fame and fortune were sure to follow. Akane trudged grouchily behind. This whole thing was totally insane, but she was damned if she was going to let them go without her. Besides, she thought, a long trip did have its good points. At the very least she wouldn't have to see the Kunos for a while. Or Shampoo, or Happosai, or any of the other crazies in the neighbourhood. She decided to look on it as a holiday. An old woman, splashing the pavement with water for some inane reason, managed to catch Ranma as they went past, turning him female, to his obvious fury. This cheered Akane up even further. ---===***===--- said Shampoo in Chinese as the quartet marched past the Nekohanten. Cologne watched her sadly. The poor girl even spoke broken Chinese. Dropped on the head once too often as a baby, she suspected. she sighed, and hopped after Shampoo on her staff. It was bumpy going; the springs needed replacing again. ---===***===--- "Now, where are they headed?" murmured Ukyo, watching the Saotomes and Tendos go past, surreptitiously followed by Shampoo and Cologne. "I don't like the look of it," she decided, picking up her battle spatula. "I'd better see what they're up to." She joined the queue threading its way through the Nerima streets. ---===***===--- Alerted by Sasuke, the Kuno siblings rushed to the window to watch as the band went past. Setting out on some kind of extended trip, apparently. "I don't see Ranma-sama," breathed Kodachi. "Perhaps -- but no! There, a pigtail sticking out of the fat old fool's bundle! I must follow! OHOHOHOHOHO!" She leaped out of the window, somehow managing to shed most of her clothes on the way, and bounded after them, clad only in a leotard. Tatewaki watched her go, then smiled. What a fool his sister was! That pigtail had been red, not black. Still, no matter. He was alone at last, free to contemplate his extensive collection of photos of Tendo Akane and the Pig-Tailed girl. The echo of his sister's laughter came back to him, and he frowned in thought. He wondered whether ... He tried it. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Not bad, actually. Strangely satisfying, even. Perhaps ... but no; he'd look ridiculous in a leotard. He turned, ignoring Sasuke's shocked expression, and started towards his Contemplation Studio. Suddenly he froze. [That pigtail ... was red?] "Akane! Pig-tailed girl!" he shouted, drawing his bokken and dashing outside to follow the group. ---===***===--- "Ah, here we are at last," announced Soun as he strode into the airport. "We'll soon be on our way, eh Saotome?" There was no reply. "Saotome?" he said again. His old friend was staring at something. He turned to see what -- and froze. Their expedition seemed to have gotten ... larger. "Um, hi," said Ukyo, Shampoo, Cologne, Kodachi, Tatewaki, Mousse, Happosai, Gosunkugi, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri, Yuka and Miss Hinako sheepishly. ---===***===--- "DAMMIT!" Ryoga shouted, looking around from the summit of the mountain he was standing on. The terrain looked ... sort of Scandinavian. "WHERE AM I NOW?" ---===***===--- Back at the Tendo Dojo, Kasumi picked up the sheet with Nabiki's transliteration into Latin and read through it quickly. "Oh, my," she said. "Nabiki, you didn't translate this right. It doesn't say 'centre of the earth' at all." "It doesn't?" Nabiki took the sheet and scanned it again. "Well, well, so it doesn't," she said. "Oh, well, I guess they'll find out. What's for dinner?" To be continued ... maybe. -------------------------- Author's Note: Oh, all right. If you don't know any Latin (shame on you) ... the document doesn't say "terrestre centrum attinges" ("you shall reach the centre of the earth") -- it says "Tartari abyssum attinges" ("you shall reach the abyss of Hell"). Oh, my... Regarding Nabiki's comment, "Oh, and you have to read backwards. How cute" -- in Jules Verne's 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth', it took them _days_ to figure that part out. Go figure.