------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Journey : An Anime Romp by Angus MacSpon Chapter Two Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi. Also based (rather, er, loosely) on situations created by Jules Verne. Comments and criticism welcome! Email: macspon@tamaneko.org Web: http://macspon.tamaneko.org/fanfic/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "It's cold," complained Akane, shivering as she marched up the mountainside. "I wouldn't worry," said Ranma dolefully. "It's gonna be pretty hot soon enough." She considered bopping him one on general principle, but it didn't seem worth the effort. "You really think this is going to be a disaster?" she asked. He pointed up ahead, to where Soun and Genma strode along in front. "With those two in charge? Count on it." He glanced back behind them. "And if you want further proof ..." It was quite a procession, she had to admit. Ukyo was walking along not far behind. She had declined to dress up warmly, and seemed to be enjoying the cool weather; though, oddly, she had wrapped her giant spatula up in a heavy wool wrapping with fur trimming. Shampoo, Cologne and Mousse were just behind her. Mousse had insisted on replacing his thick glasses with snow goggles, and as a result was so much blinder than usual that Shampoo was having to lead him around on a leash. (She did seem to be tugging on the leash rather harder than was strictly necessary, but Mousse did not appear to mind much.) Next, in a cluster, came the Kuno siblings, Yuka, Sayuri, Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Miss Hinako. Akane was at a loss to explain why most of them were there. The Kunos, yes, but the others? Well, it was just one of those things, she supposed. Sayuri, Yuka, Hiroshi and Daisuke looked to be enjoying the trip, chattering amongst themselves and pointing out the sights. Miss Hinako -- currently in her little-girl form -- was walking along at Kodachi Kuno's side, a happy smile on her face. The gymnast seemed to find her curiously fascinating, and was occasionally feeding her sweets (well, Akane hoped they were sweets) and taking notes of the results in a little notebook. Tatewaki was waving his arms and declaiming about something or other. The rest of them, of course, were ignoring him. He did not appear to notice. And far behind, she could just make out the form of Happosai, struggling along under an enormous sack that weighed several times more than he did. He hadn't gotten a grope in for hours now and was falling further behind every minute. With a bit of luck they'd be able to lose him completely by nightfall. At least they'd been able to ditch Gosunkugi at the Tokyo airport. Yes, quite a procession. Akane remembered the expression on the customs officials' faces when they landed in Reykjavik. There'd been a bit of a fuss when Mousse tried to walk through the x-ray machine and they'd insisted on searching him. And then, when they tried to go through Happosai's luggage ... no, best _not_ to remember that, really. As a matter of fact, she thought with some surprise, just about everyone she knew was here. All except for -- Then, as they walked around a bend in the trail, she heard a voice she recognised. "Excuse me, but do you know the way to Furinkan -- whaaaa?" "Hi there, P-Chan," said Ranma cheerfully. "I was wondering when you'd show up." "Ranma!" exclaimed the bandanna'd one. "What are you doing here in Iceland?" He stopped suddenly, and rubbed his eyes. "No, wait a moment. That's ridiculous. All right, where am I really? Mount Fuji, or something?" "Um, no, this really is Iceland," said Akane. "Oh, I see. This is 'let's-play-games-with-Ryoga's-head' day, right?" "No, really. It's like this ..." She explained briefly. Ryoga's face got longer and longer as she spoke. "So that's it?" he said when she finished. "You're on your way on a journey to the centre of the earth, and it's your fathers' idea?" "Well, yes. They found this old manuscript inside a book after I got mad because Ranma was being so rude --" "I KNEW IT!" Ryoga exclaimed triumphantly. "Somehow, somewhere, I just _knew_ that had to be it! RANMA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" The sound of multiple face-faults could be heard for miles around. ---===***===--- That night, Genma, Soun, Ranma and Akane squeezed into a tent to discuss what they would find at the top of the mountain. "The document said we have to go descend into the crater over which the shadow of Scartaris falls at the end of June," said Genma pompously. "Yeah, but what's that supposed to mean?" demanded Ranma. "Foolish boy! Your ignorance shames me!" Genma roared, hastily pocketing his copy of 'The Official Guide to Volcanos of Iceland'. "Many volcanos have more than one vent," he explained. "We obviously need to pick the right one to go through. The document means that we take the vent that the shadow of Scartaris, which is the name of one of the peaks of this mountain, touches at midday toward the end of June." "Ahh, so that's what it means," said Soun, enlightened. Akane biffed him one. "But wait a moment," protested Ranma. "It's the middle of October. Are we gonna have to sit around here till next year, old man?" "Oh, I'm sure that won't be necessary," Genma told him airily. "After all, there won't be more than two or three vents. And we know that the sun rises in the west and sets in the -- no, I mean ... well, I'm sure it won't be too difficult to pick the right one." He laughed hollowly. "You just wait, boy. You'll see!" ---===***===--- The party reached the crest of Sneffels at mid-morning the next day. They stared down into the crater. "We're doomed, aren't we?" said Akane. "Yep," replied Ranma dolefully. There were hundreds of vents, dotting the floor of the crater. They ranged in size from small crevices little more than a foot wide, to yawning chasms that could have taken half a dozen elephants at a gulp. Steam rose from a few. "Well, pops, what now?" demanded Ranma. "Quiet, boy, let me think." Genma leaned over to Soun and murmured in his ear, just loudly enough for Ranma to overhear, "You know, Tendo, I think we might have a problem." "Stupid old man!" Ranma hooked his foot around Genma's knee and yanked, sending the man rolling to the ground. Genma leaped up in a flash, launching a lightning-quick hand strike back at Ranma, who dodged and returned the favour. In a moment they were leaping back and forth from rock to boulder, launching strikes and counterstrikes. Akane sat down and watched, fuming. Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri and Yuka sat down and watched, munching popcorn. Miss Hinako sat down and munched some more of Kodachi's sweets, beaming at the sight of all the pretty colours in the sky. The others just sat and watched, or got bored and played pinochle. Before long, though, one of the combatants -- each of them later claimed it was the other -- misstepped, or slipped on some volcanic ash, or was distracted by a UFO (again, depending on whose story you accept). The result was inevitable: both of them went sliding down the slope, into the crater. They came to a stop just short of one of the vents. Ranma opened his eyes, half-dazed. He heard footsteps. A man stepped into view, staring down at him. "Welcome, visitors to famous crater of Mount Sneffels!" the stranger exclaimed. He was short and stocky, clad all in brown, wearing a cloth cap. "Here on Mount Sneffels we have famous 'Crater of Mysterious Vents,'" he continued. "You come see ..." Ranma sat up, rubbing his head. The rest of the party were hurrying down the slope to join him and his father. They all followed after the strange man. "Here you see many many vents in volcano," the man continued. "Each vent have own mysterious legend ..." "You know," said Ranma, "there's something very familiar about this guy." "This vent," the guide lectured, pointing to a nearby chasm, "ancient legend say lead to caves of Ulgo. This vent here, old story say lead to some place called Moria. This other vent, legend say, lead to Aladdin's cave, but, a-ha, I try it and there nothing there, honest. I not tell you which vent lead to caverns of wild Amazon nymphomaniacs. And this vent here lead to --" Genma cleared his throat. "Actually, we're looking for the vent that leads to the centre of the earth." "Oh, you not want to try that one, sir. Old Frenchman, he come here year and year ago, and then he go make up wild story about man in submarine --" "Wait a moment," put in Soun. "What was that about the vent that leads to the cavern of wild Amazon nymphomaniacs?" Cologne biffed him one. "See here," the Guide was saying, waving a sheet of paper. "I have only map of all vents. You want, I show you vent lead to Fraggle Rock --" "Good Lord!" shouted Genma suddenly, pointing. "Look, the Goodyear Blimp!" "What? Again?" said the guide, looking around. "It just here two days ago --" As he looked in vain, Genma hastily snatched the map, replacing it with a sheet that read, "IOU One Map, signed Ranma Saotome". "Now!" Genma shouted, scanning the map quickly. "This way!" He pointed to a large vent not far off. The party rapidly tied a rope to a convenient nearby boulder and started downward into the pit. "Oh! Sirs!" exclaimed the guide, finally catching sight of what they were doing. "Where you go -- oh! You choose that one? Very strange choice, I thinking ..." ---===***===--- A hundred yards down into the pit. Genma paused to check the map again. "Yes, yes," he said, chuckling. "This is the one all right ..." "Let's see," Ranma said, peering over his shoulder. "What -- hey, you stupid old man, you're holding it upside-down --" At that moment, by dramatic necessity, the rope broke. They fell ... ---===***===--- Happosai came panting up to the summit of Sneffels, cursing under his breath and gasping under the weight of his panty-cache. "Ungrateful brats," he muttered. "Leaving me in the lurch like that -- but just wait, I'll show them --" His foot slipped in some volcanic ash. He windmilled his arms frantically to keep his balance, and his sack of panties dropped to the ground and bounced slowly down into the crater. "NOOOO!! MY PRECIOUS DARLINGS!!!" he wailed, sprinting recklessly after it. He caught it just on the lip of an ominous-looking vent -- the very one, oddly enough, that had been indicated by Saknussemm's mysterious document -- and held it up triumphantly. "Precious, precious, precious!" he cried. "My Precious! O my Precious!" And with that, even as his eyes were lifted up to gloat on his prize, he stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink, and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last wail _Precious_, and he was gone. The guide scratched his head. "These visitors, they get stranger all the time," he muttered. ---===***===--- "Stupid old man!" Ranma shouted, throttling his father. "Ow! Let me go ... boy ..." "Oh, stop that, Ranma," exclaimed Akane, rubbing her back. "Let's just climb back out of here, and find the right vent." "Better yet, let's go home," muttered Daisuke. "Sounds like a good idea for once, sugar," agreed Ukyo. Cologne cleared her throat. "Have you taken a look at this shaft?" she inquired, pointing upward with her cane. They all craned their necks up. The pit they were in was very deep, and the walls were sheer. "Well, there's this tunnel, leading further down," suggested Ryoga. "We could go that way." "Oh, right," grumbled Ranma. "I just knew someone was going to say that. We'll end up wandering around at random, following our noses." Ryoga looked at him in surprise. "Isn't that what everyone does?" With a collective sigh, the group started downward. They walked for what seemed like hours, and probably was. It was very dark, of course, but after a while they found they could see their way by the light shining from Miss Hinako's eyes after one too many of Kodachi's sweets. The path twisted and turned, tracing its way down through the depths of prehistoric stone, passing through layers of oolite, graphite, kunzite and malachite, through strata composed of devonian, mesozoic, silurian and diplodocusian granite. They saw clusters of fossilised bones, trilobites and tamagotchi. It was a geologist's heaven. "Geez, this is boring," said Ranma. At that moment a voice rang out. "Stop!" it shouted. They looked around wildly, and saw a man coming toward them. He was strangely dressed, and holding a wicked-looking knife. His skin was blue. "You trespass in the domain of the Phantom Tribe," he said sternly. "Return now to the surface of El Hazard, or face the penalty ..." To be continued ... quite possibly. Author's Notes: --------------- Ahem. Well, I seem to have gotten a little distracted from the Jules Verne, but never mind. I'm sure something will crop up. As you may have gathered, this is not shaping up to be one of my more serious fanfics. A few other acknowledgments are in order: to David Eddings, J R R Tolkien, Hiroki Hayashi and Ryoe Tsukimura.