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"The Perils of Self-Insertions"
by Angus MacSpon

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I was spending a lazy Saturday afternoon at my favourite pastime --
dialling random telephone numbers in the hope of getting the Goddess
Hotline.  (If there's a better way of spending Saturday afternoons, I
don't know what it is.)

Then, to my amazement, I suddenly got lucky.  "Hello," said a warm,
friendly voice.  "You've reached the Goddess Hotline.  Please wait, one
of our operatives will be there to grant your wish in just a moment."

Just a moment later, there she was.  For some reason, she looked a
little like A-ko, but I wasn't prepare to argue.  "My name is Apnea,
goddess fifth class," she announced.  "What is your wish?"

I was about to wish for a less silly pseudonym than 'Angus MacSpon,' but
suddenly the limitless possibilities occurred to me.  Why, I could wish
for ... I could wish for ...

"Gee, I really wish I could be a character in an Anime series," I
blurted out involuntarily.

She gave me a really peculiar look, as if I'd made some kind of silly
mistake; but then the mark on her forehead started to glow, and suddenly
my vision swam and everything went black ...

When I woke up, I was lying on the ground in some forest.  I got to my
feet, looked down at myself, and realised that I'd gotten my wish.  But
somehow it hadn't come out quite the way I'd been picturing it.

I tried to scream in rage and despair, but all that came out was:

"Pika!  Pikapikapika CHU!!!"